Dianne Bilyak
As Gordon’s niece, what I remember is that he was a father, husband, and uncle, but mostly he was my mother Nancy’s brother. She looked up to him, sat by him at events, joked with him, lent him money on occasion, and was very sensitive to his moods. They were mostly good, but he could be impatient (as her daughter, I can attest that she was similar to him in these ways). They didn’t really fight, but he definitely could get annoyed with her need for his approval and her excesses of energy and chattiness.
She loved him like a father when their own father died at age 68. When my father died at 66, she moved behind Gordon and Barbara and I know she loved being that close to him. She would visit with Chrissy, eat meals with him and Barbara, and watch the UConn games. They could read the obits and discuss the latest deaths in town. They would say things like: you know her; she lived on slaughterhouse road; her father was a Panciera and her mother was the lady who used to work at the old hospital and had that weird finger…(That’s the short version!)
And when she moved to RI, and got cancer 15 years later, he called her every day, as did my mother’s sister Ginny. Nancy looked forward to their calls, but especially Gordon's because she had been hoping for something to consistently connect them for so long.
Siblings can often be our alpha and omega. We can be on Earth with them the longest and when they die, because we share so much: including a womb, home, DNA, parents, and history, part of us is hollowed out and never gets replaced.
That’s why “showing up” for others, as Gordie, Jr. posted above, is really what being human is all about. Gordon, Sr. did this throughout his life in many ways with hundreds of family, co-workers, neighbors, and friends. He was a good man.
True empathy is “being with” another person in the ways THEY need you to be. And Gordon being with Nancy on the phone, her favorite activity besides going to Mass and eating potatoes, was such a beautiful ending to their 82 years together. I learned from their relationship that love, no matter the form or when it arrives, never arrives too late and we should never take anyone or anything for granted.
