Gordon J. Frassinelli Sr.'s Obituary
Gordon John Frassinelli, Sr., 88, of Stafford Springs, CT passed away on Saturday, October 26, 2024, in the comfort of his home surrounded by the love of his family and in the arms of Barbara, the love of his life. Gordon, Sr. was the son of the late Lieutenant Governor Attilio “Pop” Frassinelli and Mildred (McLagan) Frassinelli. Gordon is survived by his beloved wife of 64 years, Barbara (Boone) Frassinelli; six children, Gordon Frassinelli, Jr. and his partner Cindy, Michael Frassinelli and his wife Katie, Anthony Frassinelli and his wife Kristy, John Frassinelli and his wife Carole, Damian Frassinelli and his wife Kelley, and Maria Sierra and her husband Mario; 17 grandchildren, Abby and her partner Ryan, Evan, Bobby, Libby, Logan and his wife Brooke, Devin, Tyler, Jackson, Graham, Liza, MaryKate, Olivia, Sofia, Chase, Alejandra, Julian and Miles; 1 great-grandchild Beckham Frassinelli, sister, Virginia Pisciotta and her husband Dick; sister-in-law, Carole Frassinelli; and many nieces and nephews. He was predeceased by two sisters, Claire West and her husband Willy, and Nancy Bilyak and her husband Dick; and his brother, David Frassinelli, grandson Gordon John Frassinelli III and great-grandson Luca Jackson Frassinelli, as well as nieces Lisa LaValley, Christine Bilyak and nephew Jeffrey West.
His was a life well-lived with a legacy of love and the family wishes to share his story. “Mr. Fraz” as he was known to most everyone was born and raised in Stafford, the town that he would live in for his entire life, enjoying and supporting. In his youth, Gordon spent time playing with neighbors on Grant Avenue playing kick the can and ice-skating at the rink near the American Legion. He raced in Soapbox derbies in town and performed in plays and productions. He and his family enjoyed their summers in Rhode Island at Dunes Beach and later at the family cottage on the beach in Misquamicut. He would tell stories of going to boxing events where his father was the ring announcer and remembered riding in the rumble seat of their car all the way to Hartford wrapped up in blankets to attend some. Gordon attended the Borough School and later Stafford High School where he served as a class officer for all four years, a member of the Band, Chorus and Drama Clubs, Student Council, National Honor Society, History Club, Manager of the Basketball Team, and President of the Ski Club. In his senior yearbook, his peers described his unique and magnetic personality, calling him “God’s Gift to Women,” “Miniature Atomic Bomb,” “Personality Galore,” “Class Clown,” and “Carefree Attitude Toward Life.” The latter of which would cause some head-scratching to many who knew him later in life. Following graduation in 1954, he attended the University of Connecticut which began his lifelong love affair with UConn. While there, he was the President of the Newman Catholic Society and played the French horn and served as President of the UConn Marching Band. He was a member of the Reserved Officers Training Corps (ROTC) and was recognized as a Distinguished Military Graduate from that program. During his UConn years, he would finally succumb to the charms of the love of his life, Barbara Boone, then a senior in high school. Following graduation in 1958, he was commissioned as a Lieutenant and served our country in the United States Army from 1959 to 1961. He furthered his education at the Adjutant Generals School at Fort Benjamin Harrison in Indianapolis, Indiana, where he continued to serve on the staff of the school until his discharge as a 1st Lieutenant in February 1961. He married Barbara in a beautiful winter wedding on January 2, 1960, not wanting to wait until his military service ended.
Gordon worked for the State of Connecticut from 1961 to 1992, rising from the position of Trainee to the highest possible merit system position of the State’s Executive Budget Officer in the Governor’s Office of Policy and Management. As the architect of the State budget, he would agonize over necessary cuts to social and human services. At one point in his career, following deaths resulting from a lack of guardrails on the Merritt Parkway, he drove the entire length of the Parkway to the New York State border to count the number of miles that needed guardrails, and subsequently ensured that the funding was in the budget to support the construction of new barriers. There were countless stories like these that even his family was not aware of.
Above all, however, Gordon was a family man. His greatest joy was supporting his six children in their many athletic and artistic endeavors, and even assisting coaching on occasion. Every season brought many competing sporting and performance events but he never missed a game or show, during their youth, throughout high school and even into adulthood. For someone who never played a sport, he bred a houseful of athletes and loved it immensely, always willing to retell game highlights and lament on losses with a keen understanding of all things sports. He and Barbara continued that as recently as this spring, sharing the title of number one fans of the Stafford Womens Softball league, where his daughter, daughters in law and granddaughters play and son coaches. Despite being legally blind, he managed to always keep the umpires in check. This can be attributed to years of the ever-present practice of sports analysis with his sons and nephew Dino whether on sidelines or in the family living room.
Throughout his adult life, Gordon was not just a fan, but was heavily involved in advocating for and supporting athletics. He often served on governing boards and commissions in the support of youth athletics, including as President of the Stafford Olympics Youth Football program and President of the Stafford High School Athletic Booster Club. In the Spring of 1977, newspapers reported that Gordon spoke to the Board of Education on behalf of 200 upset sports parents to reinstate funding for spring sports that had been cut at a previous meeting, stating that he presented an elegant, thoughtful argument on the importance of sports for Stafford’s youth. One of his most notable and proud achievements was leading the effort to reinstate football at Stafford High School in 1980 after more than a 30-year absence. This is still often acclaimed by Stafford football fans today.
Although an avid Yankees and Celtics fan, Uconn sports had the most special place in Gordon’s heart. He was a season ticket holder for Uconn Womens Basketball long before the stands were full.
Gordon was a lifelong member of St. Edward Church, after being baptized into the faith at age 18. He was married there and attended countless family weddings, baptisms, and funerals there. At the church, he served in many volunteer capacities including maintaining the grounds with a team dubbed “The Gardening Angels.” He often served as a lector and as a choir member. He was a sought-after soloist for many weddings and funerals. His rendition of Ave Maria was breathtaking. In the early days of their family life, in addition to his singing voice, his children remember the side-eyed stern looks mid-refrain when he could sense some fooling around in the adjacent pews by his five sons all under the age of nine.
Throughout his life, Gordon supported his beloved town of Stafford in countless ways. Many will remember him as an emcee at stag parties, fundraisers and political dinners. He was a board member and life member of the Italian Benefit Society, “the Club”. He showed his commitment by frequenting the club many a night in the early years! He was a member of the Stafford Scholarship Foundation Scholarship Selection Committee and served on key committees for important town initiatives. Gordon never had political aspirations of his own, but was immensely proud of his family’s involvement in Democratic politics on the state and local levels and supported initiatives and events.
There was no shortage of challenges in Gordon’s life. At the young age of nine, he lost sight in one eye after being accidentally hit with a horseshoe. In 2001, he lost most of the sight in his other eye following damage from ischemic optic neuropathy in his optic nerve. For most who suffer this, they use their remaining good eye, but because he was already blind in the other, this left him legally blind and able to see only shapes and shadows. So from that day on, he never saw clearly the faces of those he loved, he could no longer drive, and Barbara soon retired from nursing to be home with him. However, despite the devastation of losing his sight, what Gordon was able to do with very limited sight was simply astounding. For those that saw him in his house, he moved around skillfully, avoiding barriers and doing household chores. He would even do outside work like snow-blowing and driving the lawn tractor, while Barbara held her breath! Prior to developing dementia, Gordon used a document magnifier and voice-utilization computer to continue to manage household finances, including balancing the checkbook, online banking and financial management of rental properties.
But for his family, the most amazing thing is that despite losing his sight, he rarely missed an event of his 17 grandkids or 6 kids. He went to all of the many sports events, plays, recitals, graduations, banquets and parties. Barbara was always his play-by-play announcer in his ear for every game or event. It still amazes his family that he would attend even visual performances in dark spaces just to show his support.
After retirement and before he lost his vision, Gordon helped his family with everything from picking up kids from events, to stacking wood or anything they needed. In what was the last year he was sighted, he spent most afternoons and weekends helping his son-in-law build his house. For those that knew Gordon, he was not exactly a man accustomed to hands-on labor so he was immensely proud of learning and doing this work. He even had his own tool belt and hammer and loved to show it off! During a lot of that retirement, Gordon and Barbara babysat the grandchildren so much so that the kids felt like they grew up in their house. They would divide and conquer so Gordon had his own routines with the kids. Before he lost his sight, he would take them for drives, bringing them to park or playground. Everyone who knew him will remember in July of 1999 when he took 3 of them to Soapstone Mountain for a hike while Barbara prepared dinner; Abby, age 8, Evan, age 6, and Logan who had just turned 3. Not a seasoned outdoorsman, he brought the kids on a trail that he believed was short loop but it turned out to be quite long and soon Gordon was lost. With these small children, one just a toddler, he could not find his way out. As darkness fell, he hunkered down under a picnic table for the night and did his best to keep the children as calm as possible when he was anything but calm himself. He used a handkerchief for a pillow and kept the children huddled to him all night. Meanwhile the family, back at home, had driven to the Mountain when he had not returned, and saw his truck still parked in the lot and saw his cell phone (his newest and most favorite gadget perpetually in his pocket) on the front seat. The police responded but called off the search when they felt it too dark to continue. The family held vigil overnight, fearing the worst. However at first light, “the Shenipsit Striders” who ran and knew those trails, offered to go in and search. They met up with Gordon and the three children on a trail and ushered them out to all of those waiting and hoping. After things had slowed down some and the news stories ended then the teasing began and Gordon would find that people had left him bags of trail mix, compasses and maps. He loved it!
He was always not only willing to laugh at himself, but rather enjoyed it. Even after losing his sight, he reveled in the things that made him laugh, like the time in winter when the driveway was icy and he spread birdseed all over, assuming it was the ice melt salt. He would laugh in his infectious way and tell that story to anyone who would listen!
But most of all, to know Gordon was to know how much he loved Barbara. On their 50th wedding anniversary party, he got up to speak about his wonderful wife, but emotions got the best of him before he could even start. He was in awe of her. She was his best friend, his rock, his partner in every way and for the last twenty-five years, his eyes. It was rare to see the two of them apart. They embodied a love story and this was never more obvious throughout their life than on the dance floor. He and Barbara were the talk of dances always, people watched in awe their rhythm and flow, their perfect synchronization. Barbara always said he was the perfect lead. His family will fondly remember the face he made everytime he danced the fast songs with her, pursing his lips and smirking.
Gordon and Barbara always made each other laugh and they thoroughly enjoyed the family they created. The family dubbed by someone as “the familiest family ever.” In his later years, Gordon enjoyed full family vacation trips where all 31 family members stayed in one house and was a trooper during all the activities. One memorable moment was when the children were swimming in a river at the bottom of a steep and slippery embankment through the woods Vermont and he said he would just wait at the top but not wanting him to miss out, several family members helped him down one small step at a time. He was nervous but he was willing and at the bottom laughed at the absurdity of taking a blind man down such a treacherous trek! Holidays at the Frassinelli house were important family gatherings for him. He sat at the head of the custom 13-leaf table family table at each holiday that stretched through rooms of their home, and seated most of their kids and grandkids. He reveled in the dozens of his family that gathered and the loud laughter and love that always ensued.
Although admittedly an overused phrase, Gordon was truly a friend to everyone he met. He was a man who always strove to do the right thing and often unbeknowst to anyone else. He helped people in subtle ways sometimes, that they didn’t even realize and in big ways to support them in efforts they pursued. He did important things and kind-hearted things for others because he simply felt compelled. The family is learning about so many of these things now as people are sharing stories of how Gordon wrote them a letter during difficult times or celebratory times and share how much of an impact it made on them that they remember even decades later.
Gordon’s legacy of love and beautiful life will be honored and remembered through services this weekend and the family invites all to join them. To protect the health of vulnerable family members, the family respectfully requests masking at services.
Calling hours will be held on Friday, November 1, 2024, from 4:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. at Introvigne Funeral Home, Inc., 51 East Main St., Stafford Springs, CT. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held on Saturday, November 2, 2024, at 10:00 a.m. at St. Edward Church, 55 High St., Stafford Springs, CT. Military honors will take place at the conclusion of the Mass at St. Edward Church. Following the Mass, all are invited by the Frassinelli family to a Celebration of Life reception at the Four Seasons at the Lake at 51 Old Springfield Rd., Stafford Springs, CT. Donations in his memory can be made to The Gordon J. Frassinelli, Sr. Memorial Scholarship Fund in care of Stafford High School, 145 Orcuttville Road, Stafford Springs, CT. 06076.
The family is blessed to have cared for Gordon in his home of 64 years during the entirety of his illness. In addition to the many family members who provided care, they wish to thank the outstanding care and service of others who assisted. Loving appreciation goes to Veronica Halloran and Dawn Viola, who cared for Gordon with and like family. They also thank recent caregivers Tammy Mathieu, Betsy Humason, Ellie Garrefa, Jennifer and Caleb from Trinity Health at Home Hospice, Ken from Comfort Keepers and Senior Moments for their excellent care. A special thanks to his niece Dianne Bilyak for the many care items, advice and support along the way. Lastly, always civic-minded and the dedicated public servant, it would honor Gordon to exercise your right to vote.
To leave a message of sympathy for his family, or for directions, please visit: www.introvignefuneralhome.com
What’s your fondest memory of Gordon?
What’s a lesson you learned from Gordon?
Share a story where Gordon's kindness touched your heart.
Describe a day with Gordon you’ll never forget.
How did Gordon make you smile?
